Some of the logical elements of human instincts sometimes tend to become sort of very stupid. Human instincts suppose to be a series of small programs recorded in the human brain, and that have the responsibility of protecting the creature from external dangers, self inflicted danger, and procreation to perpetuate the specie.
This programs come with the creature in its brain, the same way a new computer comes with an operating system and some other programs that allows the computer to work (be alive). Some of these small programs can be added later, like an antivirus would be the equivalent to training for quick reactions in a dangerous situation. Other programs like for writing in a computer would be like learning to ride a bicycle. All these programs that we can upload in a computer are like the training we can do in our brains to do something without thinking: playing a musical instrument; riding a bicycle; learning martial arts. All of these suppose to be programs that allows us to do something without having to think first.
But when it comes to sex, things can be very different and definitely a lot more complicated!
Clearly in modern society men want more sex of what they get, and women want more romance of what they get. Married couples loose their love as married years start to pile up, and they become distant from each other, arriving more than often to the situation of roommates.
It is said the lust of the first years is replaced by a more calmed relationship of friendship as time goes by, yet we can see couples haven’t really became friends, but rather they simply drifted apart from each other. Then the passion of the first years is replaced by the acquired customs of a flavorless good night kiss; a tasteless “love you”, and many other little, pre-recorded common words like “honey”; “dear” and “sweety”
Why is that? It seems many women don’t want sex with their husbands because they feel he doesn’t really love them, all he wants is sex for release, while at the other hand many men feel their wives don’t love them anymore because they don’t want sex with them!
Logical Stupidity! The human brain brings programs to push the creature to perpetuate the specie, yet some parts of the program seem to be at opposition with the others. These programs are different for men and women, so they also have the differences that attract the other, yet also creates difficulties when a relationship extends for long periods of times.
It is clear that women want romance to feel sexual desire, while men want sex to feel romance.
It is ingrained in their brains; it is an instinct, but isn’t it a logical stupidity? It is a vicious circle that prevents the couple from connecting after the initial mating instinct is over!
They are looking for different things in the other in order to connect, and so they can’t connect, unless one of them decide to give without receiving what is wanted, and simply wait until what is given starts to create in the other the feelings that will move him/her into giving what the first wanted. It reminds me of a previous post I published first on 2009-11-23, and then re-posted it on 2015-02-20, which is called “I Love You, I Want You…and Savings!“
In that post I was talking about the different elements of a relationship, but here I am talking most exclusively about the sexual and romance interaction in a couple, which , in my personal opinion, is what brings the biggest difference in retaining (or recreating) the passion in a love relationship.
So what about the man bringing the romance part in before even receiving sex? Or what about the woman bringing the sex part in before even receiving romance? As long as the spouse keeps an open mind and the firm intention of recovering the lost passion in the relationship, I believe they both will receive what they need and want, making easier to give what the other wants.
To be motivated to give, we both need to receive first (which is human nature); if none of us is receiving, none of us is motivated to give, thus continually and incrementally we are drifting apart. So why not to use the human intellect to artificially create the “environment” where we can simply use our own instincts to work in a more desirable way.
If we are expecting to receive first, before giving, then none of us is receiving. If we both give without expecting to receive, we both receive without expecting it, so it becomes like a gift we receive, and so we become motivated to give even more, which makes us both receive even more, thus expanding exponentially our love relationship.
Remember: “Women need romance to feel desire for sex, while men need sex to feel romance” But that is in an instinctual level. So using our intellect and giving first, which would be going the opposite direction our instincts dictate, we can use our own instincts to work to our favor, rather than against us!
I know…how mechanical an Aspie can be!! LOL (My cynicism is a personal bonus! LOL)
Raul
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