How is it called when you loose sense of reality and start living between two worlds? One foot is in the world of moving images that don’t necessarily pertain to a specific reality, and the other is in a specific reality that keeps moving. Isn’t that what craziness is all about? Or should we call it a craziness Flare up? It’s always been like that for me, only these days it has become more intense.
This confusion keeps pulling me down, making me slow, first in the brain, then in the body. No capability of concentration; I can’t plan and can’t act; immobilized! Watching the world keep moving in it’s unsettling vibration that doesn’t allow the mind to fix itself in anything there. Yet it keeps moving, turning, so minute by minute getting behind a little more. Becoming lost in the past of images that are not what the body is in at the present.
Tiredness! No energy. Cold by nature now. Where am I?
The brain is the computer and the mind is the software. Is it the software corrupted? (maybe a virus?) Or the hardware too slow? (maybe an overheated processor?). I know life is playing with an old computer in this case, and I know the software have some kind of problem, so I guess it is both. Life needs to update some computers!
The images in my mind keep dancing in front of my eyes, feeding themselves to monstrous proportions in a perfect circle. Runaway mind. Abandoned body to rust. Overheated computer operating in a corrupted software. Waiting for some sort of explosion to signify a definitive shut down. A signal; something; even if it’s the last one. Waiting for a rope while hardly keeping afloat in the water.
And the only constant of life -Time- keeps running away, not waiting for anybody for anything. So no constant to grab on for safety and stabilization. Floating adrift. Like slowly floating up to the sky, going away from the safety of ground, not knowing how far this thing can go or for how long.
I know I’m crazy, but do craziness flare ups exist? I’m not talking of loosing control over the same craziness, but an extended, temporary higher level of craziness?
Raul
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